Nine is JUST a number

was I not worth it?

was I not worth the last goodbye?

was I not worth the peace of mind?

was I not worth the last conversation?

was I not worth to be told I am leaving?

was the world so tough ?

was the world so tough you chose to leave me with doubts

was the world so tough you chose the moment we were just us 2

was the world so tough you chose to let our last memory be 4:30 ( the actual moment was 4:16 but it felt so much of a bother I rounded it off to the nearest 30)

was the world so tough you chose not to think about how all this would impact me

was I too selfish?

was I too selfish not to ask you how you were doing?

was I too selfish to understand what you were going through?

was I too selfish you decided to be extremely selfish in turn?

am I too selfish to think you were selfish?

If we met again, will you be happy to see me?

If we met again, will you feel content worth what you did?

If we met again, will you will you look me in the eye and say you did the right thing?

If we met again, will you ask for forgiveness or will you let it slide?

If we met again, will you….. will we actually meet again?

Today I saw you face for the last time

Today I wailed for the heavens not to accept you

Today I started a new life with you, not insight

Today I still feel like I need you

Today Feels like the second I three seconds after I threw in the soil

Today marks 9 years

I am not sure I am human any more

I am not sure I laugh as we did any more

I am not sure I was a good sister and now a good daughter

I am not sure I am doing a good job at life

I am not sure I can be the best version of me anymore

Now I will shade a tear

Now I will smile and say you are in a better place

Now I will put my head High and pretend all is fine

Now I will accept that you will not be coming home today

Then tonight I will cry

When I am home in my pyjamas and a cup of tea on my hand

Tonight, I will pray that you come knocking on the door

Tonight, I will whisper a prayer that he may give me strength

Nine is just a number you are not gone forever