Number 2 IS NOT my option

No I am not willing to be number two!! Because being second is to be the first of the ones who lose. This article comes as a follow up to my previous piece on the same platform (http://mwongelim.blogspot.com/2014/11/number-two.html ). I have had some feedback from concerned parties asking how I could advocate for the second bit. The truth is in the world, there will always be the "number twos".  But I do love myself too much to be number two simply because I don’t like being second choice. I will walk away before you even consider me as a backup plan.

A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. Yeas I am willing to be number two.  But only to your MOTHER!! Yeas I hear some mother in-laws are cold blooded monsters from hell. I have not meet them yet. And yes I am not yet married. So yes I might not have enough experience when I write this. But I believe that if a man does not love his mother there is no way that he will love me.

I will put up with all the crap from a man’s mother if  my man does respect her (at this point all other factors are constant), simply because it means he will respect me. I have no problem with mama’s boys ( to some extent though), because it shows they will make time for me at some point as they do for their mother.  Harold Macmillan (one time prime minister of the United Kingdom) did say: No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. I like my men successful and the mother is the only one who can be number one and I, the 2^nd.

According to Groucho Marx, A man's wife is his compromise with the illusion of his first sweetheart. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Groucho Marx was an American comedian and film and television star. He was widely considered one of the best comedians of the modern era (I do not know how quoting a comedian will be credible and justifiable to my points). I like the simple and elegant things in life. To kiss with my eyes closed, to tear in laughter and to take walk without looking out for the shadows following me. Dealing with a ferocious baby mama/ first wife will not allow me the simplicity nor the elegance.

I would not also want to me the ferocious one at the mortuary being thrown out by the security when intending to listen to his post-mortem result. And minutes after I see the first wife being escorted in by his best friend full of grace and peaceful morning.  I want to be  sit on the front row in his funeral and him to be called Baba Jade (our only son’s name) throughout the service.

It is said that a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. I do not know how true that is but I kind of agree. Most often than not the second wives come up when the man has some change in his pocket to spare. Only the first wife knows how many times the man has slept hungry and how stressed he was before he landed that golden deal.

Ever wondered why they are called “kachungwa". Fruits are expensive to buy. Not every Mumo and Marlow can afford them. A bunch of 5 oranges cost around  100 shillings. A financially pitiable man would rather buy loaf and milk than oranges. After he has had a decent meal then he can think of the topping. I am decent enough to be the meal and not the topping!

Dr. Samuel Johnson am writer who made great contribution to the English literature as a moralist to say the least, articulates, By taking a second wife he (any man) pays the highest compliment to the first, by showing that she made him so happy as a married man, that he wishes to be so (married) a second time. I cannot be in a man’s life to complete  desires the first wife installed in him. I do not want to be compared to another woman or worse still be under her. God help my dream (or is it a nightmare?) of not being a second wife come true.

Number Two

Two is next to one. It still does depict some level of effort. Often number two has failed to be the number one due to small negligible…should I say mishaps.

 Statement: A girl and a boy jump into a river. The boy swims over to the girl and says, "God, it is cold."

Question: What's the probability they will kiss? (Jenny Downham)

Statement 2:  A second girl jumps into the river just after the first girl goes underwater to test her moments without air. And the boy is feeling somehow lonely at the water surface.

Question: what is the possibility she will try the same trick on him before the one underwater comes up?

Two is the smallest and the first prime number, and the only even prime number for this reason it is sometimes called "the oddest prime"

You become number two when you know that number one position is taken. Still you press on. At two there is usually room for improvement. One is always a position you can work for. But at number one where is the improvement? Zero? Then what? In life there is no zero the first number is 1, so if at Number one and you happen to progress you will just be terminated.
  

The number 2 is important in Judaism, with one of the earliest reference being that God ordered Noah to put two of every unclean animal (Gen. 7:2) in his ark .Later on, the Ten Commandments were given in the form of two tablets.

At two nothing ties you down. You can wake up and decide to travel the world.  Have another number two by your side. Go for night outs from Thursday to Sunday and suffer on Friday and Monday if you work. You can decide not to pick up the call and you will not have to wake up to make breakfast.  You will not have to answer stupid question like - Swity who is Jonte? – asked with a sweet voice but full of ill intentions.

Two is a good number in Chinese culture. There is a Chinese saying, "good things come in pairs". The best thing about pairs is that they function together. But the best thing about number two is that you function individually. You are still a pair but not for social function. You benefit according to your contract. You do not have to explain to people why you are no longer together. There are no strings attached.

 “If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.” 

― John von Neumann

♡TMB♥

A place of solitude

Do you ever feel like you have given all you could to life and it's entities but have nothing in return? All that you live up for appreciates you less than what you try to put away.

Do you feel confined in a cell with no air to gasp out your hearts desire? That whatever you live for does not live for you.  That if given a chance you would take the next flight to *oklahoma* where you know none and not one knows you.

Serenity a state of mind free from stress. Tranquillity, peace, calmness. Words you wish to experience but you just read them. They won't call to see how you are doing its always you to call. They won't ask you for a day out you have to squeeze time out of them.

What next you ask. What am I doing wrong? Am I too good for this life? Am I meant to be forever alone.  That village witch with the a thousand cats? Should you just ignore them too and the career person soo successful but no one to share the success with?

You feel like Wednesday no one notices you and your efforts.  No good programs come your way unless the usual weekly stuff scheduled for you. You prefer to be Monday hated but always in people's Speeches but still want Friday, they, always anticipating to see you.

This is the beginning, life is a journey you can't wait for the end.  The voyage ain't entertaining.  Tomorrow should come today is not half way gone.  Should you stay or exit through the first. Is the perseverance worth it? Is the next day going to be better? Is where you are headed better or the green will fade to brown

by ♡Tyemb♥

What is the big secret?

5:45am the alarm goes off. Yet another day of struggle; Yes it is Friday but for the next eight hours I am going to be incarcerated in an office somewhere. It is already a battle to wake up, another to choose my dressing for the day and the greatest of all, finding a means of transport then the Nairobi traffic. Am already wishing that this day ends!!!

My father on the other hand woke up at 4:30am and by the time my alarm goes off, he, had left the house 15 minutes ago. We both will hustle through the day, with him doing more than me. All day in my working room and him in the field; I will have my lunch, he might not have the time for it. 

I leave at 5 pm heading for my evening class. I grab a cup of coffee and go stare at the lecture.  By the time I am chucking class, he is there waiting for me. I find him deep asleep in the car and am troubled to wake him up. Just to let him have some rest. Its 9:30pm when the gate is being opened for us as we get back home. Am too tired to eat and he looks like he has just woken up in the morning.

How do you do it fathers? How do you manage to go through such a hectic day and still smile? I don’t want to have a meal at the end of my day because it probes me to converse with my family members; yet all I want to do is sleep. And there you are giving stories to everyone like you have been idle the whole day! 

How do you do it fathers? How do you manage to wake up the next day looking energetic and enthusiastic for life? All other mornings as from Wednesday, I wake up looking like I have been hit by a bus. Or like I was night running the entire night!

How do you do it fathers? How do you find the strength to still fend for your “little” all grown up girl? If I was given your shoes I would have kicked me out of your house at the age of 18. I would spend all my remaining days on earth lazing in the coach sipping my wine.

How do you do it daddy? How do you wake up every weekend and drive up-country? Don’t you want to sleep the Saturday away instead of going to run up and down chasing the goat out of the farm? Don’t you want to turn up in Kitengela all alone and have beer while you relax?

How do you do it father? What is the big secret? What energy booster do you take? Where do I buy a big heart such as yours? How do I posses such great love to sacrifice so much? Whom do I buy from such great wisdom? How do I get to be like you? When will I be mature enough to have your characters?

It 10:30 pm. still on Friday but my day has felt like a week. Am too tired to go up the stair case and am contemplating on having my night on the couch. I am willing to have the mosquitoes suck up all my blood for this one night. They deserve a feast too, once in a while. But you daddy!   You need to tell me which planet you came from!

 by *TyeMB*

FOR THE LOVE OF ENEMIES

Being betrayed by someone you least expected to do that. Yeas life is full of disappointments. But who said that it has to disappoint? Who said that it is okay for you to be disappointed? What dictates the time place and nature of disappointment? And who dictated that we have to live with the disappointment?

At time we bury ourselves in graves dug by our enemies. We do finish the job for them before they even start it. The bible always tells us to make the enemy our friends. Often we wonder if such is possible. Here is why it has to be done 

The writers of the holy book were mad. They were filed with the Holy Spirit. And as it is described, when they were filled by the Holy Spirit the rest of the rest of the people thought they had gone berserk. Intuition is the Holy Spirit for the non-believers. 

So this is why we should love our enemies.

•  If we hate our enemies we make it easier for them to hurt us.  If you want to steal money from someone and they say hi to you every day, you will have second guess to do so because they have done nothing but be nice to our everyday. On the other hand if you show them rage, they will not have mercy on you.

•  If you are filled with frenzy it kills you a little bit inside when you see them think about them or at the mention of their name. what if they are in your everyday life, you will end up angry the whole day

• At the end of the day hating a person who dislikes you won’t make them love you. At least not in the world I live in. but showing them kindness will boil up some sense in them. It makes you the bigger person in the room.

• As much as I would want to tie them up and pour barbeque sauce on them before feeding them to my pet tiger, they are really not worth my effort. Yes it will definitely excite my stomach caterpillars as they hatch to butterflies but I can’t risk my freshly manicured nail for that. yes i do love my self way too much.

So if you think you are my enemy you can rest easy honey baby bear ain’t no revenge monster.  Take your long showers and let the self professed enemies struggle to lift their self esteem with you.  

by TyeMB

you need it loosen

The little things that we do ignore, most of the times are the same things that come to bite us in places we should not scratch in public. You wear a tight inner-wear in the morning knowing very well that it is going to supper press you by noon. Then you think that it might just expand miraculously and you will end up being comfortable by mid morning.  You left the house at seven it is not yet eleven and you have adjusted the inner-wear line more than ten times. You are in a meeting and the situation does not allow you to leave to adjust “the line”; you feel like it is going to cut your body symmetrically at the waist line. So you are asking yourself; why did I choose this one? Just to lift my bum and give it the right tight shape that this skirt requires?

Above is the case of Linda Akello the police officer in a tight up skirt. Yeas I know being a fellow woman and writing this article at the same time bring out the WW0 (women war) that has been infinite. But this is not the case I want to present.  

When joining an institution like the police service, I want to believe you are not forced into it. Neither can one persist through the hard trainings undergone there unwillingly. There is also a code of conduct given to the joining candidates. And I think they should be followed supervised and unsupervised.

So when you break the conduct one should be courteous enough to ask for forgiveness.  Not go throwing stones in your own glass house just because “thirsty” Kenyans on twitter and other social media are backing you up. Your decision to fight your mother is always a foolish one.  Going to court to stop your hearings at the police force is not the brightest idea.

Just because your immediate supervisor liked your dressing for his/ her own personal reasons does not mean that you did not break the law. For the sake of safety how does one run in such a tight up skirt. Yours is not a luxurious job as you might want it to seem. Madam Kaindi is not jealous of you. She is too old for such anyway. Not that she is a relative or a close friend.  Just a perspective I would like to see her as.  

Simple rules and partial decisions that we make become the end of us.  If we decide to press the law an inch it does it us 5 inches back just like a boomerang.                                                                                                                                                                                                    

 learn from it and let it go...                                                                                                                                                                                     

MORE OF GIVING IT IS

The 50 Things You Need To Do For A Relationship To Last
JAN. 28, 2014 By TIM HOCH info
Shutterstock
Shutterstock

Relationships are tough. Marriage is a tough bitch. And it’s certainly not for everyone. As a lawyer, I have handled a few divorces. Thank goodness there is such an alternative for people trapped in horrible circumstances. But if you’re inclined to weather sickness and health, richer and poorer — and even if you’ve just met the person with whom you want to be in a longterm romance — bring a short memory and a long sense of humor. You’re gonna need it.
1. Burn your blueprint.
Rid yourself of whatever fantasies you harbor about the bliss of coupled life. They’re not helping. There is no script, so don’t be disappointed when your fairytale gets hijacked.

2. Forgive.
Didn’t Jesus say something about forgiving someone not just seven times but seventy times seven? That would be 490 times….which should last you through your first 6 months. Jesus underestimated because, remember, he wasn’t married.

3. And forget.
If you forgive but don’t forget, did you really forgive? I know people who claim to have forgiven but still use every available opportunity to bring it up. And if you don’t want to forgive, forgetting works just as well.

4. Be a good teammate.
Life can come at you hard. One of the nice things about marriage and relationships is being able to have someone else in the bunker when you’re getting shelled.

5. Grow.
If you still have the same desires, opinions and beliefs at age 50 that you did at age 25, that’s your own damn fault. You will not, and should not, be the same person you were then.

6. And adapt.
Even if you stagnate, the person you’re in a relationship with will change. Don’t fight it. Embrace it, learn from it, be thankful for it.

7. Find your faith.
There is great comfort in believing in something or someone beyond our crude human existence. Explore this belief. Take this journey together.

8. Travel together.
Travel forces couples to rely on one another in unpredictable ways. It will also broaden your worldview and the way you value your relationship.

9. Travel separately.
I want to go to Australia and you want to go to Maine? Cool. Take lots of pictures. See you in a week.

10. Develop your own interests.
It seems counter-intuitive, but you will enhance your relationship when you pursue your separate interests.

11. Cultivate a wide, diverse circle of friends.
One of the greatest joys of living is meeting new people. And many of the people you meet will likely make you appreciate your mate even more.

12. Don’t keep score.
I know a couple who keeps track of the number of times each partner completes a household chore. Don’t do this. It’s exhausting. And childish.

13. Exercise.
You owe it to each other to be in the best physical health possible. The mental side effects from exercise will also be beneficial.

14. Practice self-awareness.
Take frequent looks in the mirror. Reflect on who you are and the contributions you are making to your relationship. Are you being judgmental? Unfair? Harsh? Hypercritical? Defensive?

15. Admit that you’re wrong (even, on occasion, when you aren’t).
This is both the easiest and hardest thing to do on this list. But this simple gesture will pay immeasurable dividends; it will help you grow and it’s just the right thing to do.

16. Celebrate accomplishments big and small.
Whether it’s a promotion at work or the police officer let you off with just a warning, find every occasion possible to toast your good fortune.

17. Surprise one another.
Fill up her car. Let him sleep alone in the bed once in a while. Buy some bacon.

18. It’s the good little things.
Holding the door, suggesting a movie night, paying attention. The reward for these is greater than the sum of the parts.

19. And it’s the bad little things.
Cracking your knuckles, spitting, clearing your throat, picking your nose, chewing ice. These are death by a thousand cuts to your relationship.

20. Cultivate your finer qualities.
When do you ever have an opportunity to really work on qualities that make you a better person? In a strong relationship, you can do it every single day. Qualities like patience, loyalty, compassion, trust.

21. The bathroom is private.
If you think it’s quaint to brush your teeth while I use the toilet, you’ll change your mind about that eventually. Trust me.

22. Talk about sex (but not just right before, during, or right after).
Sex is an important part of any relationship. But for some reason couples don’t want to discuss it unless they are in the throes of passion. Don’t make sex a taboo subject.

23. Encourage each other.
We all have insecurities. Your relationship is one place where you should be completely free to reveal these and your spouse should help you overcome them.

24. It’s okay to have secrets.
Even George Bailey slipped Violet Bick a $20 bill every now and then.

25. Avoid subtext.
This is a cowardly way to communicate. If you have something to say, say it. Don’t hint about it.

26. Put it down.
The toilet seat. Her cell phone. The beat.

27. Pick it up.
Your dirty sock. Your used tissue. The pace.

28. Don’t over-romanticize past (or future) relationships.
You weren’t that great and your ex isn’t that hot.

29. Never use the “s” word.
Don’t call each other “stupid.” That’s just stu…. not wise.

30. Offer solutions, not criticism.
Anyone can criticize. A good teammate (See Rule 4) will offer a way out.

31. Read.
To escape or to expand. Either way, it helps.

32. You are equals.
It doesn’t matter which one of you makes the most money. It doesn’t matter which one of you has the better REO Speedwagon vinyl collection. It doesn’t matter which one of you has the best nickname. It doesn’t even matter which one of you has the coolest food allergy.

33. Compliment each other.
Sincerely and often.

34. Respect each other’s friends.
You know your wife’s loud mouthed, insane friend Cathy who thinks you have weak bullshit and can’t believe you married her BFF? See below.

35. Know when to keep your mouth shut.
No list would be complete without the “Do these jeans make my butt look big?” lesson.

36. Indulge each other’s passions.
Scrapbooking doesn’t count.

37. Lose your arbitrary moral code.
This list alone proves that I am the king of the double standard. When I want to spend money on a new set of golf clubs, it’s a good investment. When my wife wants to spend money on new kitchen countertops, she’s a profligate. It’s not exactly fair.

38. Respect space and time.
Have we not evolved as a species or watched enough Dr. Phil to realize our mate does not want to answer the question “How was your day?” the minute he/she walks in the door?

39. Take pride in your appearance.
Your marriage license doesn’t give you a free pass to always wear sweat pants and T-shirts.

40. Maintain good hygiene.
Could your big toenail puncture a snow tire? Could your breath peel wallpaper? Take care of that, please. I don’t want to have to tell you again.

41. Ask before you throw it away.
Don’t touch that broken, ceramic, animated cactus tequila shot glass holder. I’m serious.

42. Invite his/her family to special gatherings.
At least once. Thankfully, this may be all you need.

43. Speaking of family, everyone gets a holiday card and a birth announcement.
Even your creepy Uncle Steve and their psycho cousin Lisa.

44. Don’t be petty.
So I forgot to stop at the store to get your prescription. Did you have to throw away my ceramic cactus shot glass holder?

45. Be self-sufficient.
Learn to do your own laundry. Know how to cook a meal; how to navigate the grocery store; how to make an online purchase; how to turn off the water to the house; how to erect a Nerf basketball hoop; how to unclog a toilet.

46. Everything is fair game for a joke.
This should be at the heart of everything you do. I have not found a single thing that I have been unable to eventually laugh about. If you know this from the beginning, it makes things a lot more fun.

47. Have good manners.
Don’t yell. Open the door. Help carry the groceries. Cover your cough. Hold your gas.

48. Be responsible with money.
No one lives on love. You need money. If you earned it, you will almost certainly respect it. If you didn’t earn it, you must respect it even more.

49. Remember to say thank you.
Even and especially when things don’t seem like they need to be acknowledged.

50. Adapting beats abandoning.
There will be moments when you want to quit, walk out, give up. You can do that. But you will probably be doing so without giving due consideration to the new life that awaits you. Will you be better off in six months? 10 years?

I don't feel the need to add anything to this.

♡TyeMb♥