Saudade

Have you ever met a person

The connection is from the heavens

before you even speak to them

before you even mark off the key things in the check list of the one.

The ideal man.

You see a future with them and you are ready to fight

Its not love yet,

You are not physically thinking of them

You just want to listen to them

The animals in their head

Their fears and tears

What makes them tickle  and the time bomb in them

would they be a good company in a road trip

what is their most danced to music

I would enjoy counting the stars with this one

Do they name cloud and shape them

what happens when they drink their selves silly

how angelic are they when they close their eyes in rest

But the fear

Of rejection

Of heart aches

Is there another person in their life

Why don’t they make the move

What if the worst happens

What is the worst that can happen

Is the feeling mutual

you convince yourself, Let it go,

Its not meant to be

Its probably just a fling

Soon it will be out  of mind

It cannot work but you cannot quit

Three weeks down

They are still making laps In your mind

Do you make the call?

Do you drop a text?

Is there a cool way of making the move?

Will the perceived intention the ones to be received?

Will they be warmly reciprocated?

can you live with the result?

should you just drop the rose?

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Make Me Understand

A silent evening off the Thursday thunderstorm. You posted the grand sale that your friend had made. It was quite funny… and although we were not friends but acquaintances, I thought I could slide right through and share the little ray of light that you had glammed my 3.2mm frown with.

As a creature of serenity and simplicity, tomorrow I want to follow the butterfly, down the white sands as it lands on the cowry shell. I want to watch the stars off the roof robbed kitchen as we warm muthoki with Smokey eyes. But I do not understand why not do that now.

Evening cappuccino as you sip your black tea and bite of  your cheese beef sandwich… I am mad because I had to do shopping that I did not need because I was waiting for you… how? I do not know! because your phone was off at the time we were to meet. Why not just go home? I do not understand.

But how does tomorrow look like? Do we have an assured scene? Will my dog see me as a good mother? Did all the words we uttered there truth based? Does my housemate secretly complain of the shoes I leave on the door step?

Why don’t we just say what we want? I think life is too shorts to get entangled when you just need/want a single bite. We do not need to lie to ourselves to smile through the day. Why wet the pillow overnight and cover conceal the eye bugs in make up.

Brethren come clean. If you want a beer instead of sparkling water… its way cheaper and they both quench the thirst. If you want to slip into flip flops  and not your timbers to the first date, they are comfortable than the tie and leather pinky toe pressing crocodile skin shoes.

Sistren; put on the shirt dress, wear the bata ngomas in all colours all week. Say hi to your Dzaaadzy for me while in Malawi yucking the sushi but pretending to like it while on snap. Work your ass off  your ass in the 3 layers of make up and the tight skirts up the corporate ladder.

Because at the end of the day they(we) will still talk. Give them something interesting to put next to your name.

Know what? ...Actually am better off not understanding. thanks 

MM

Make The choice, Make the move

This is for the married and those in relationships. Those who are in one mentally and psychologically but do not want to admit it physically. The ones in love secretly and are afraid to confess their love because they fear rejections. Those who have made up their minds about the girl they want in their life but are afraid to hurt her.

Think about your girlfriend or that girl while reading this… her infectious smile, her polite eye, ever mischievous look and her soft and naturally coloured lips. She has no dimple but insists that there is one forming on her right chick. She is obsessed by your dimple and will always act strong around you.  Flawless in her 5.2ft height and her little chipolata toes that she always hides in her canvas shoes. All you see is perfection and God’s favoritism during creation.

Always in constant communication and on your back even when you throw her the silent motions. With your bad days and attitude, she tries to be the perfect girlfriend/ girl friend. She tries to keep you thinking of her; but you never start the conversation.

Think of how many guys want to be with her… chances are she knows of two and there are three more who show sign and countless are the ones she does not know of. But she still call you to say goodnight. No this is not to make you feel jealous. You are the one who has her attention and the one who knows when her men-senses are here. These I believe are the most embarrassing moment of a woman to talk to a man about.

How many guys do you think are in love with her smile? Cheeky and full of life. Smile, bright enough to make the full moon darken and her popping cheeks that she hides. She smile even when you see the pain in her eyes; at the gate man and the massai newspaper vendor outside your office.  So awe-inspiring you are afraid of your manhood being stripped away when she is snatched from you; yet you are the proudest being when dinning with her.

Darling SHE CHOSE YOU. You might not be the man in the white BMW, or the guy with the cubical divisions on the stomach. You are not the guy in the neat haircut and the sharp attire in the room. You will not take her on a vacay in the white sands and to see the wild animals nor buy her the latest digital gadget. But still she chose you. To her you are the most perfect guy in the world.

She does not require you to rub her feet when she is tired, she does not need a meal from that glitzy restaurant. She just wants a smile back when she sends one your way. She wants the eye contact that says I appreciate your presences here today. She wants you to uncomplicate things and let her run into your arms when she is in dismay.

The perfect girl fit for your life. The one you want to call when things go west and when you feel gay. Despite you, not talking to her for the past two days, she still picks your call and brings out her best voice. As common notion might precede the case, she is the one with low self-esteem. She is the one who is keeping herself in the boxing ring that she is clearly loosing. But the reason she is still there is because she is waiting for you to realize what is in your plate. Be true to yourself and set her mind free.

You are afraid to be with her because we ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But do you ever think the ocean would be less because of that missing drop? Place the drop in the water mass and make it an ocean. In Eleanor Roosevelt’s words: The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Best believe in your dreams before another man believes in his.

PROMISE TO LOVE YOU

Dear me,

I know we have not had the best relationship yet… I have not loved you the way you ought to be loved I have not given you the attention you require… but please bare with me; I am trying my best. I am trying to be the best person for you.  So this year, I promise to love you the way you ought to be loved.

1.     I promise to Date you.

I will spoil you to the best of my abilities. I will give you the big teddy bear that you always wanted , I will take you out for dates and buy you chicken wings often. I will shower you with flowers and fragrance from the best vendors I will take you out to the park and museums for the peace of mind as you write and collect your pieces.

2.     I promise to take care of you.

Dress you in the decent fashionable and classy cloths no more TJR. I promise to accessorize you with a smile and to always have high standards with you. To feed you with healthy foods and to exercise you, keeping you fit. At the same time to eat all the Ice cream and hut burgers and long walks in the dark. To be there when you need me and to always kiss you goodnight and good morning because I am not letting you out of my sight.

3.     I promise to choose you.

If there is a debate and I am to pick you or someone else, I will swing you in my arms and kiss you on the forehead. I will put you first in the decisions I will make. And you will always be the person I will be searching for in a crowded place.

4.     I promise to let you be.

I know sometimes you want to be alone and enjoy/ fight with the animals in your head. This time round, I will give you your space to breath. I will not enquire you to go for a dance and you do not want to. I will not take you out for drinks and your gut is not up for it. I will not wake you up when you want to sleep. I will let you be. 

5.     I promise to be there for you.

To pick up your mess after you have vented out. To uplift your soul when you are feeling low.  To be your soul mate when you are soulless. To feed you with happiness when you are feeling low. Coz I always got your ass.

6.     I promise to always be open with you.

To say all that I need to say for the best of what we want; To have an open system that does not effort us to keep our secrets deep within. To let you free off your emotions and to always speak out what is in mind letting no one influence the decision-making.

7.     I promise to pray for you and most importantly with you.

I will pray to see you achieve your dreams and pray with you to chase your fears away. I will be there as you face your qualms and chase your trances and always seek to see you succeed in all that you do.

8.     I Promise to believe in you.

Even when I have doubts of your vision! To help you seek your fate and see you smile at night, when the stars are shining or on a dark cloudy day.

9.     I promise to love God before I love you.

I know I said you will be first but God is infinite. Until I learn to love him a quarter of how he loves me, will I learn to love you the way you want me to love you. So I am sorry I will put God’s interests before those of ours but always know that I love you First.

I know it sounds all bullshit but this is a promise I intend to keep. I might fall short in one or two point but always know I have the best intentions for you.

You make me happy and tomorrow will not come if i d not love you more than i love you today

I promise to marry you now and always to choose you. This is my solemn vow.

Yours truly and in love with you ,

Myself

*YoungWildandMorethanFree*
*MwongeliM*

THE CHASE

The pursuit of happiness, it may not always grow your bank account, nor give you the tones of friends you might want in life but it will make you a memory millionaire. “Paper chase” and “grind” are common words, the frustration and the face wriggle vivid on the ones who loud the terms. Often we forget to take a moment and enjoy the world. We forget the power of a smile and never remember the purpose of the presence.

Take a moment and smile. As child you smiled naturally; at least to your mother, you gave it out freely and the world was a field play for you at any glance from your sleep. What did change? Grind and paper chase? As a baby when other reacted to your joy, it brought out the best of you. You became gayer and a thing or two went your way.

You are no longer a toddler and life has caught up with you … an excuse you may want to give yourself. In the words of Bernice Johnson an American congress woman who always wears a smile on; “Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” 

The paper chase and grind: you let your traits fade because of them. Your account might have grown but deep within a missing link to connect is felt. Your happiness was infectious, your curiosity and zeal to find bliss made people to love you more. Your toddler habits are your secret weapons in trade. How people craft with you is highly dependent on how they perceive you.

As you grew you had to possibly wonder how people saw the world different from you. Your curiosity drew you from your path to find out what makes the heart of others beat faster. Soon you were encrypted into their mysteries. Paper chase and grid was the song you sang too. Your defining character became gray: All this for the pursuit of happiness.

Don’t live down to expectations; this is how the purpose of presence dissolves. Go out and do something remarkable, something fulfilling and something benevolent. Money comes and most often goes; the demand will always be higher than the supply. But the memories cherished in creating it will be a remarkable impact to your zeal in meeting the supply.

Wealth is developed over time so is strength and will. Don’t limit thy happiness in pursuit of the three. Own up to your mistakes, prioritize your health and know your worth… Tomorrow is never known live to day for tomorrow and not yesterday.    

Get out and live the most joyful, authentic life you possibly can.

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23

At 

Life is hard but still easy

One minute you are so proud of yourself and the other you do not know what life is all about

You feel like you want to cry but you find no reason to do so

Tomorrow looks so hopeful but today is not coming to an end

The boy you hopped to marry has suddenly run off with the “best friend”

And you know what!..... You have to look for planB

You want to work and make your own shilling but do not want to be confined in an office somewhere for 9hrs

You want a full time job that sustains your expensive lifestyle but everyone is asking for experienced peeps

You want to attend every upcoming high end event but you live with your parents and your wallet is empty

You want to buy those awesomely manufactured classy pairs of heels but parting with 5k that you do not have is a pinch

You have to skip several lunches so that you can go for the Nairobi restaurant week to post the epic food photos on instagram too

Your friends are getting pregnant and you still not sure whether to give it up, what is the right time and who is the right person

Is there really a right time and a right person?

Others are already married by come we stay and you can barely make your own meal

You feel too lazy to cube onions and tomatoes… so sandwiches of bread and ham are your daily meals

You doubt that you can cater for another person because your pile of laundry is hipping at the corner of you room

On your mail, an e-cards of one of your high school bff’s wedding

Who is marrying you and yet I have no boyfriend? You often ask silently

Mere jealousy and excitement all at the same time

Then you want to be Mary Jane smart successful but not sealing other peoples husbands

You want to have your own empire but don’t know how to set it up

You finally work the logistics out but they guise more to the odds of it succeeding

You are so passionate about success that your fears boil up your dreams and you are afraid of taking any step forward.

You burn the midnight oil trying to look for a future for your unborn babies

You get old Ben spying on your ass but to you old dogs have no teeth to bite

Young Ben don’t look at you because you too expensive to maintain they say

All you need is some respect and someone to say I got ya.

You got enemies right and center and few friends on the left

You don’t understand why they are cruel and those mean have nothing on you

You become afraid to making it in life because you feel you will lose the ones on the left too

When the streets get too hard for you … you think of moving to the side ways

Till morning when the sun rises then you remember the streets are made for you

You have dined in the best hyped lounges and you do not understand what the fuss is all about

You have found him but you hope that you still have time to dilly dully

You are afraid to commit just so you can have the chills when your phone rings.

Your instagram is full of shots of the good site you have visited in your long life

At 23 the memories of yester night make you hope for a better tomorrow

At 23 they all see potential in you but you keep doubting yourself.

At 23 tomorrow is the day after today.

Happy Hunting

 I might have met you, maybe not but be patient I have some time on my hand, to still be proud of my beauty and to be called by my father’s name. Be sure that I am saving you a lot of trouble of meeting my precious daddy’s wrath both before and after you tell him of your fantasies with his (my father’s) daughter.I still think there is preparation to be done by somebody somewhere.

First as already noted: my father remains. I am still thinking if I am willing to be called Mwongeli Wafula or Mwongeli Mwanzia Wafula. The animals in my head are yet to decide but the latter seems more appealing for now. It is still a topic for discussion depending on the sweetness of your name. That being said we are in this together and I will not run to Daddy when my nail polish peels off. (With my eyes closed and ready to fall) I will run straight into your arms. ….lol….

Oil your legs and elbows. Is it a cult that has been formed or is it a manly nature to look like a crocodile that is scorching in the sun. Am sorry but I need my son to be groomed and that will have to start with the father. Ooh yeas I want my first born to be a son. His name is/ will be Andres. So, baba Andres please start practicing this small habit it will cost you Ksh145 for a 100ml petroleum jelly that will last you 3 months. Swity just forfeit one beer and you are good to go.

I am a very jealous woman. That does not mean that you will not have friends that are female. But if I am insecure about one of them please do not keep her around. You will be free to have boys night out as long as you bring me a bugger at 2am when you are coming back home. And I believe you will be mature enough not to be going for the night outs ever weekend. Now –when I do not know it is you yet- is your time to ratchet up your reckless behavior  but do not spoil your reputation. I need a decent man too just like you need a decent woman.

Baba Andres the journey to getting Andres will not be easy. I plan to be hormonal. Pray hard that my hormones decide that I am not hormonal because that will be the period you will want to divorce me and abort the child yourself. Depending on where we will live – hoping that you are working harder than I am – a 24 hr. mall in the neighborhood will be an advantage to you. That is all I am going to say.

In my dictionary there is no divorce or separation. I am an African. Separation or divorce  does not exist in my percieved culture. If things are tough go to the other room think things through and come, let’s have a sit down and solve the small issue. You better be reading this blog because you will need to remind me of this sometimes too.

Back to the issue of my father, he has taught me a lot. I can change a flat tire by myself, go and stay put at the garage for some hours, change a bulb and pay my own bills: these are among many other manly stuff * as considered* But please do not get confused... I will deliberately forget all this the minute you propose! After you pay for my manicure, I am not going to hold the bill folder at the restaurant ...that will be my chance of  admiring the magnificent nail art done on my feeble fingers. Unless I am the one taking you for the dinner.  And yes I will surprise you once in a while.

* NO we will not go with you to the salon for you to have manicure and pedicure. And I should not hear rumors that you were there!! keep the nails short and clean though, the hair neat and your shirt ironed*

Baba Lolita – nickname to our daughter – I am not a career woman/ I do not plan to be. Neither, am I a stay at home mum. I will be working late some days. Most of the time I will be home early, to make you the Ugali, Managu and Pork you like or is it Usuu wa ikie? (I am guessing you will be a good feeder). But on those days that I will come home late maybe twice in three months… would you please be a helper and order food for us...... please?

Go for swimming lessons! I do not want to be bored on our honey moon being the only one in the water. Be vibrant and be wild. We have a lifetime –after our golden jubilee- to grow old together. So if you are boring I do not know how you become my husband! This is just a hiccup of what I am, most of the rest you will learn for yourself. 

  If you think you are the one, please one of this days drop a comment with the #YoungWildandMoreThanFree so that I can get a hint of what awaits me in the future. Happy hunting to you.

 #YoungWildandMoreThanFree

That will be our slogan cool?

♡ TyeMB♥